At the start of June we introduced the "I caught Dylan being good!!!" jar. A simple jar. Decorated, pretty badly, by me. The terms were simple. Earn buttons to fill the jar. I'd marked lines on the back - each time a line was reached, a reward was given. Something small, something he'd love. Disney Cars magazines, a Kinder Egg...basically plastic tat. But he loves it, that's what counts!
And the key is being massively OVER THE TOP with how great he's been. "WOW!!! Did I just catch you being GOOD? That was so helpful, putting your toothbrush back in the pot and not throwing it on the floor! I think you need a button!!" It's hard being that enthusiastic several times a day though, I can tell you that much, especially when you're surviving on 4 hours sleep. But worth it in the long run.
Since then, we've moved on to a simpler way of rewarding good behaviour. Two jars. 50 buttons. All the buttons start in my jar, and for every good deed The Squid can move one to his jar. We had fun decorating them with stickers. Once all 50 buttons are in his pot, he gets a small gift - we're going for diecast Disney Cars models. Today he earned Sheriff, he was very pleased!
We're making sure not to just reward 'good' behaviour, but also polite, kind and thoughtful behaviour. This can include...
- offering to help someone when he notices they need help
- helping his little sister to do things (get onto the sofa, reach a toy in the bottom of the toy box)
- asking for things nicely
- eating a meal without a fuss. This does not mean clearing his plate and eating things he doesn't enjoy, but knowing that it's ok to not finish his meal, to say "I'm full up now", to not squeal in disgust at the half a grape I dared put on his plate.
- for trying a new food, which includes just licking or nibbling the edge of it.
This is not about making him bend to our will. This is not about rewarding being quiet and 'good'. This is about getting him to think about things that are helpful. About getting him to realise that shouting is not the way to get things done. He's now reached the point where he's automatically taking his dirty plate into the kitchen after a meal because he knows it's helpful for me. He's offering to help, and not automatically expecting a button in return. It's simple. So simple. I didn't think it would really work, and it has.
