One big name that crops up a lot is Gina Ford. A 'parenting guru' who wrote her first book many moons ago, has written several books covering a variety of baby related topics, and has become a best seller. A lot of people hate her. Hate her book (...although, when questioned, not many have actually read it...), hate her stance on routines, hate that she doesn't have children of her own "so how could she possibly know?!?"
In this household, we love a bit of Gina Ford routine, and have been using her routines as guides for our children since The Squid was just a week old (shock horror!). I was given the book by an old friend, someone who seemed the least likely to use such a strict routine with her lovely teeny girl.
Let's break up the text with a picture of this cute boy in the snow.
Gina probably wouldn't be pleased with me, sitting here breastfeeding my 14 month old at 11pm - according to Gina, your baby should be sleeping a full twelve hours by about 6 months. But of course, babies are all different. We know this. They learn to walk and talk at different times, why should sleeping be any different?
We also like to 'gentle parent' as much as possible. I'm not sure that The Man would call it gentle parenting, or indeed that he really knows what gentle parenting is, but we both certainly aim to listen to and respond to our children's needs in the kindest way.
And yes, the to-the-minute routines are pretty daunting when you first read them, but very very helpful when you're just getting into the swing of things. There is no denying I was a lot stricter with the routine when The Squid was a baby, in fact I even had the list of times for his bottle feeds up on the kitchen wall - classic!. But as time went by, and certainly by the time Hoot came along, I had developed a simple and positive routine that benefits us all.
The key is to not get bogged down in the numbers. Not the feeding times, the amount they 'should' be sleeping, the time they spend on the breast. The key, for us at least, is keeping the basic routine in the back of your mind, but allowing the rules to be bent (and often broken) to accommodate and benefit your child. I've learn there's not much point spending an hour rocking your baby to sleep, they often wake as soon as you creep towards the bedroom door. You need to watch them, to learn their rhythm - and if it doesn't fit in with Gina's...so what?
Luckily, it appears we do have two quite good feeders and sleepers, both who thrive on a basic routine. We learnt that Hoot could only stay awake for about 2 hours from about 4-10 months old. So if she woke at 7am, back to bed for 9am. I also discovered it's not so much about where they sleep, but that they do! So when small, Hoot would often take her day naps in the sling, or in the bouncy chair tucked in the hallway (dark and quiet, but within hearing distance and visible from the living room). And up till about 6 months she spend the first part of the evening sleeping on the couch next to me while I chomped my food, feed at 11pm and then all to bed.
I feel that we've done well this time, combining my weird need for routine with being gentle and responsive parents. Gina Ford's routines don't have to be about forcing your child to fit exactly to a schedule. they can be just simply be about guiding your babies to sleep easier - and in fact, I think they help you to notice when your child is in need of something, and help the child know what is coming. I remember walking into the bedroom with Hoot and she immediately began squirming and whining, I think in her own way, telling me she wasn't ready to sleep yet, that she still had things to do and see. So I took her back to the living room, and tried again in half an hour. This time, she went without a fuss.
So...at the end of all that waffle, it wasn't quite exactly what I wanted to write. I think what I wanted to say was don't assume that all Gina Ford followers are strict and leave their babies to yell and cry for hours on end, that we can be gentle too.